RV Rental Guide
Rent Recreational Vehicles

How do I explain to my parents that I do not want them to move so close to me?

I moved away from my home town in Alaska to Oklahoma over 5 years ago. I moved away from my small hometown at 26 years old with my 3 children because I wanted to start my "own" life. I had just gotten out of a pretty bad marriage ( which my ex and his entire family also lived in the same small town) and it was time to move on. All of my family lived there and I had never lived anywhere else. I worked for my parents for 9 years at their coffee shop and I was ready to do more with my life. When I moved to OK, my parents were livid. Everyone told me how I was doing the wrong thing and that I would be back, that it wasn't fair that I was taking the kids away from them, so on and so forth. The guilt trips went on and on. In the 4 years I spent in OK, there were many ups and downs. My ex followed me to OK and lived in the same town ( and left back to AK a year later thank goodness!), I had re-married and had my 4th child, which my parent were completely unsupportive of. The marriage was a flop, very emotionally and physically abusive, so in early 2009 I left with my 4 children and moved to a very small town in OK about 40 miles away. In 2010 I ended up reconnecting with a friend that I actually graduated from high school with and we were married last year. Yes, I know, married 3 times and 32 years old deos not sound good. He is a wonderful husband and the most wonderful father to "our" children. We now live in South Florida. ( The other 2 "sperm donors" want nothing to do with the children and have not had any contact with them on their own accounts). My parents were also very skeptical about this marriage and the move, which is understandable from the past few years. My grandmother passed away in 2009, who also lived in my hometown and worked at the coffee shop with my mother and I. After she passed, my parents sold the coffee shop and decided that they wanted to move out of AK. When they had talked about moving before, my dad wanted to move somewhere he could start up his own dive shop, like in Hawaii. Just this past October, my dad quit a very good job that he has worked at for the past 20 years,they put their house and their rental properties up for sale and moved to NC, where all of my grandmother's family lives. They said they just couldn't spend another winter in AK. I don't know why they went to NC. The town they moved to is smaller than the town they moved from... I think my mom is trying to hold on to anything that is left of my grandma. Anyhow, they moved down in a motor home and decided that they would live in the motorhome until they buy or build a house. They also bought 5 acres of land in this little town. They were unhappy there so they moved to another town 2 1/2 hrs away and my dad got a different job doing the same thing he was doing in AK, but now he is working for 1/3 the pay. 2 weeks later they were unhappy there also. All they do is complain about everything and have a very negative outlook on everything that they do. Last week my dad came down to take my eldest son on a vacation to Key Largo that they had been planning for 5 years. While visiting he dropped it on me that they were seriously thinking about moving here to South Florida and looking to buy a dive shop around here. I have tried to explain that I like that they are close enough to visit, but I really don't want them in my backyard and that my husband and the kids and I have our own life here. My dad did not seem to even take anything I said into consideration. He was also very negative about everything when he was here. This was his first time meeting my husband and he was very rude. He didn't act like he enjoyed his time with my son or his time here. I was glad to see him go.
I am having a hard time because we have a very happy life here. Our marriage is great, the children are happy. I moved away from AK and did not move back when things got tough in OK for a reason. My parents are very negative people and very judgemental. I just don't want the negativity around me.. I don't want the drama that they carry with them. They try to put me in the middle of their marriage and try to get in the middle of mine. When I put up boundaries they either ignore them or get so bent out of shape that I feel guilty. Quite honestly, I just don't want them here. I like for them to be close enough to visit on holidays and maybe a weekend every now and then ( like 6 or more hours away), but not 15 miles away. I also think it is rude that they didn't even ask how I felt about them moving so close, my dad just said they were going to do it...like in 2 weeks. My mom hasn't even mentioned it to me at all. WHAT DO I DO?? I am so upset about this that I am losing sleep over it.

Public Comments

1. I don't know that there is anything you can do about it. They are grown and can choose where they wish to live. It's a shame that they have decided to move to your town. (I envision you moving and
then they follow you and so you move again and they follow you again, etc.) I don't know how old your parents are, or how healthy they are, but it might simplify your life and cut down on your traveling to take care of things for them as they age.

The only way to try to keep them from moving so close is to sit down with them and explain how you feel about it. They may or may not listen, understand, or change their plans even if you talk to them about it. It may hurt their feelings and cause a rift that you can not heal. You have to decide what is important to you and act accordingly. Good luck.

2. Well this may be a shirt answer compared to your essay but your parents are full grown adults they can do whatever they please without your consent. Your kinda being selfish they want to be around your kids and maybe even you. You just want the easy way out which is them being far away. And that's not cool. That's pretty messed up. Your an adult to and you CAN handle any drama and w.e your parents give you speak up for a chAngeles. But leave your parents alone they do what they want same way YOU did what you wanted.